Let The Rats Orchestrate The New Mutiny.

Confusion.

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 00:04:33 GMT

I literally feel so lost right now. & Pathetic.
Me and Robby are breaking up. Offically.
I'm struggling so hard to face reality.
& The reality is I don't love him anymore.
It kills me just to type that shit.
I have busted my ass for the past month
to try and fix "us" but there's no "us" to fix.
I'm doing all the work to save this,
& he's just sitting back, with his friends.
What the fuck do I gotta do for attention?
Three years & it's coming to this.
I'm the one doing the breaking up,
& I'm the only one getting hurt.
On the otherhand, I feel good about this.
I'll get more time to actually make friends.
(Hopefully, better, truer friends.)
& it's the end of a long train of emotional abuse.
But who am I kidding?
I can't do this.
He is literally all I have in this world.
When it's over with him, it's over for me completly.
I have no friends to help me replace him.
Long days of sitting alone, without him.
He is the only person that's there for me.
And really, truthfully, there. Noone else is.

Want the truth?

Tue, 21 Mar 2006 20:29:23 GMT

My friends fucking suck.
My "best" friend Jessica, dropped off the earth since she got a boyfriend.
My "best" friend Beka, dropped off the earth when she started doing Trent again.
My "best" friend Andrew, dropped off the earth when he got a girlfriend.

I've found such amazing people who royaly screw me over, over and over again.

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 16:34:31 GMT

Bloody fucking hell.
Me and Robby are doing great,
better than ever actually.
And I couldn't be more happy.
Except for the fact I'm also dating
ALL of his friends.
Me and Robby only get to spend like
2 days out of the week, alone, together.
Not to mention they still call every 5 minutes.
I don't think they can even breathe on their own.
So I made this deal, that they can have the weekends,
Cause I work anyway.
So last night I go over there,
and like usual am the only one getting wasted.
So they all take advantage of me.
My fault I know,
but there are still things you don't say to a girl.
Especially when they've been to the hospital
3 times about it in one week.
I still have the same issues when I'm fucking drunk.
I'll make him kill himself by the end of the week.
No worries.

So I have to go to work now,
and as far as I'm concerned,
Satan lives there.
It's ridiculous how much drama
oozes from the people there.
I haven't known everyone since 3rd grade,
and I'm way more mature.
I know I shouldn't get treated the way I do.
Old Navy, here I come.

On a happier note...
MARCH 10th!!
Daytona Supercross.
Free pit tickets.
Sex with Travis Pastrana?

Sun, 05 Feb 2006 16:37:45 GMT

I need to stop drinking.

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 15:13:13 GMT

Last Tuesday was me and Robby's 3 year anniversary.
Too bad I was too sick to breathe.
He brought me home Olive Garden and we ate
it on the porch with candlelights.
Then he had to carry me downstairs to the
trampoline, where we layed together and looked
at the stars. Cheesy, I know.
God Do I love him.

& His dad finally got caught and arrested yesterday.
He only had 6 months on his warrent.
I guess I'm relieved?

Jessica actually stayed the night last night.
She was jealous cause I was spending all my time with Beka.
We saw Narnia, then we came home and
she talked to Bubba. Goddamn.
They are the most controlling couple in America.
And I don't give a shit in the world.

You know.

Thu, 05 Jan 2006 03:32:06 GMT

I trusted you to be my friend.
I actually felt comfortable telling you how I felt.
But you disappear, it's not my fault and well...
I can't figure out why I'm so hurt.
When the people you believe to be there for you
proves that you have no relevance,
it's like being thrown off the fucking universe.

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 20:37:28 GMT

This break has sucked ass, honestly.
Christmas was good. Surprisingly,
I was really into the family spirit.
However.. on Christmas day my register
was 30 bucks short. A huge Regal dude
came and talked to me for 3 hours. I
thought I was going to be fired. But.. no.
Instead they make me work EVERY GODDAMN DAY.
Enough to the point that I can't even work
for my parents where I get all the money cause
Regal is FUCKING CHEAP. Whatever.

I miss Jessica. She's always with Bubba now.
So how many of my good friends are gunna
drop off the earth like this?

Robby took Thursday off and we spent
the whole day together. :) I lubb him.

Anyway, Happy New Years. Have fun.

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 17:45:05 GMT

So far, all Christmas break I've worked and shopped.
Me and Jessica had a HUGE fight.
Honestly, I don't think I've yelled at anyone so hard.
And yeah, we're ok now. Going to Epcot today with her. :)
My grandparents are here. Another great winter listening
to how many other boys there are besides Robby. Grr.
I spent sooo much money on gifts. Like 300.
But Robby's gift is.. more for me. Haha, think about it.
I hope everyone has a good Christmas.

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 21:53:03 GMT

My first weekend off in 2 months.
Saturday I ran 6 miles on my little treadmill.
Was supposed to go on a double date with Kathleen&Popeye.
Due to some communication problems, it didn't happen.
But me and Robby had a great night.

Btw, I love him. He is truly my heart and soul.
For my bday he took me on a picnic on the lake.
When I was taking pictures of the lake he just watched me.
I will remember that forever.

Back to the subject, on Sunday I went shopping.
And then shopping again with Beka.
We might as well be twins.
We understand each other too well.

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 02:54:01 GMT

This is virtually a mental breakdown.
& as I am breaking down,
noone's there.

I take my personal relationships too seriously I guess.
I mean, When did a "best friend" really become a best friend?
What an obvious goddamn question.
I'm the underdog.

There's not enough time in the day.
So obviously, I don't hang out enough with Jessica,
to the point where I'm not good enough.
I work every day in every weekend.
+ EVERYDAY Thanksgiving Break.
I work Monday - Thursday for my parents.
I stay everyday almost afterschool for yearbook.
Plus I have to stay more now for tutoring
because the 90 mintues I give to Algebra everyday
isn't good enough either.
I have a boyfriend, the only constant I have.
Yet, everytime I'm with him I fall asleep,
cause everything else has taken my energy.

Yes, the enjoyment in my life is passing me by.
The people I love are straining me down.
& time just doesn't seem to give a shit.

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 23:34:50 GMT

Wow, uh it's been awhile.
Frankly, I haven't been on the computer at all lately.
I don't have the time, or the care in the world for it.

I've been sick for 2+ weeks now.
It's really starting to get to me.
I'll wake up in the morning, sort of fine,
and by the time I go to bed I can't talk or breathe.
The hell if my mom will ever call a doctor,
I'll end up going to a walkin sometime next week.
And I'm sick of just working period.

My grades are truly suffering,
basically because of yearbook.
I skip everyday to work on this shit.
I wish people would just stfu, honestly.
We had like 62 pages due last Monday,
none of them were done, except the 30+ I did.

Me and Robby are doing farely well.
He got a new truck, and his old job back.
He's been a sweatheart the last week,
with me being sick and all.

My house is getting remodeled.
There's foreign people in my house everyday.
It's kind of funny. I'm superior for once.

My birthday is coming up.
If you could tell me when it was;
I'd be impressed.

I'm so FUCKING BORED RIGHT NOW.

I got to drive a 350Z.
By myself basically,
Robby's gay cousin was drunk in the
passenger seat, singing Vanessa Carlton.
God, It's sooo fun.
That's my favorite car.. EVER.

Huge Weekend.

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 03:29:53 GMT

Saturday.. Homecoming, the big day. I had to wake up early to meet Stripper. Then head over to the bank to start an account. It really makes you feel grown up to have to manage money. But it's so rewarding to swipe a debit card and know it's MY money, that I earned. Anyway, went to the mall and bought fake boobs. Yes, nice squishy fake ones, cause I couldn't wear a bra with my dress. Me and Beka had some fun putting our little bad boys on. Beka cooked us all dinner, used her nice china and what not.. and basically talked about sex the entire time. Romantic? Yes. We got ready, gave Trent a mohawk. So the dance was ok. I got down and dirty. So for the afterparty. Mac Daddy Fatty Pattys = <3. Me and Jessica were basically as trashed as we could be, because we drank everything. People are still telling us about all the ridculous shit we did. It took me a whole day to recover.

There will be pictures. Bye.

What's new?

Tue, 11 Oct 2005 03:19:14 GMT

I took up writing again. I will eventually sell my books on Ebay and call it a career. Everyone says I have a talent for writing, and it's actually became a huge part of my life now.
My tire got slashed today at school. I honestly have NO IDEA who would hate me so much to stab my dear tire. God, I just LOVE high school.
Homecoming is coming up. I'm way excited. I'm going with Jessica, which should be mucho fun, then getting crunk with my crew. Plus; My dress couldn't be any more perfect.
Joey's birthday was last weekend, but I never got to see himm. Me and Jess went shopping, and then headed over to Trent's, and we all went to the beach. It was an amazing night with my best friends; Jessica and Beka and our dates.
I guess I don't have any thing cool to say so, peace. :)

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 02:48:06 GMT

I don't know which is worse.
Sitting here, waiting for it to finally be over.
Or it actually being over.
I just can't do this anymore.
It takes a lot for me to cry,
but lately I can't fucking make myself quit.
Shoot my tired emo-ass.

Fri, 09 Sep 2005 23:12:28 GMT

I hate being sick.
I might as well dieeee.

Andrew's gunna be 18 tomorrow.
Happy birthday big boy.

My new camera.

Sun, 04 Sep 2005 20:15:50 GMT

I'm in love.

Sun, 04 Sep 2005 15:52:01 GMT

I miss my best friend.
& He knows who he is.
I'm sick of being upset.
& I'm sorry about giving
you such a hard time.
I promise that if we do
hang out, I'll drive to
somewhere fun. <3

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 15:35:44 GMT

I finally had a good night with Robby.
It's been hard going a month without.. you know.
Damn that was a long time.

I get my camara today, now I can post pics on here like everyone else.

Details, Details.

Mon, 29 Aug 2005 22:31:31 GMT

So Saturday was awesome.
Let me just start by saying that I have the best friends everrr.
Basically, it was Joe's birthday.
Him and Jess went to the beach in the morning,
I opted not to go cause I didn't want to wake up.
Then they came over & Joe took me to Target to buy a bra.
Then me and Jess got ready in 45 minutes. Yeah, wow.
We met up with everybody, including Kathleen's hotass.
& Shayna's ... I hate that whore. I'm going to kill her.
Anyway, we went to the Cheesecake Factory.
All I have to say is Chocolate-PeanutButter-CookieDough Cheesecake.
We were going to go to the club "The Upper Level".
There were too many gangsters outside so we left.
Went to Downtown Disney.
Went to Citywalk. Me and Lizzie jumped in the big Universal globe fountain.
Went to Point Orlando.
It was really an awesome night.

I haven't been on the computer lately because I was watching too much porn and it crashed.
No, Idk why it crashed. I don't care though, myspace is getting old.

Other than that, My life is basically just falling apart at the seams.
I think I'm trying to hold on to something that just isn't there anymore.
I just want to look into his eyes again and feel in love again.
I miss.. us.
Later.

Wed, 24 Aug 2005 22:03:06 GMT

When you think you know someone.
They're alot more dishonest than you thought.

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 22:23:22 GMT

I got my car back yesterday. :) It's awesome.
I'm falling behind in all my classes because I
just don't care anymore? For instance I'm doing
this instead of my Marine Biology project that's
due Thursday. I have a 61 in Spanish.
I just can't seem to concentrate since SO MUCH
has been going on lately. I'm getting into fights
with everyone, and making a lot more meaningful
friendships. I have to say, I love Beka Pontes.
Yep, a lot. Uhm.. All my guy friends are getting
girlfriends and I can't believe how much it sucks.
Andrew, and now Joe and Shayna I guess. Good for them,
as long as they still talk to me. I'm not letting
it bother me anymore. Saterday is Joe's birthday,
and it will be quite a day as long as the hurricane
doesn't hit. We're going to the beach in the
morning, The Cheesecake Factory, and then the club
"The Upper Level". Yeah, cool I know. There are soo
many shows coming up, AVENGED SEVENFOLD, Underoath,
As I Lay Dying, ATrio. I love it. Byee.

A New Day.

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 21:33:17 GMT

Foolishness89: I love you becka.
onlyincloudsx5: I love you too Amanda. :-)

I could never explain to you how much I've missed her.
She is one of the most amazing people you'll ever meet;
& I'm so happy that everything's ok between us.
<3

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 02:44:47 GMT

Well, nothing really has changed. Nothing exciting to tell.
My mom is getting her kidney transplant soon. She said I was the first person she told. We had a really good talk for once. But I am SO HAPPY, but everytime I actually talk about it I feel like crying, so I'll just write it k? She deserves this so much. She is such a strong woman and she's been through hell. I couldn't imagine living her life. I'm so happy, and so scared for this operation to come. She'll be all better, mostly, and she'll lose so much weight. But always that little feeling that something might go wrong arises. Damn, her face when she was telling me was just amazing. There's no specific date yet, but she's definately up there on the list.

I also want to say I love Jessica more than any person on this planet. Without her this year I would be fucked. Since everyone I've thought were best friends, have drifted over the summer. & Shit one of them even hates me. It's quite a drag, but I have Jess. She is the best friend anyone could EVER ask for, and if she even speaks to you, you're lucky cause you'll be blessed right then and there. Yeahh. Blah. Durka.

What else? James bought me dinner tonight. They were little mini cheesebugers and they were the little cutest darn things you'd ever see.

I work all weekend, again, and every weekend for my entire life. Death.

Go see Deuce Bigalow: European Gigalo or die.
"Hey, you're mom's in here.." That's all I'm saying.

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 20:03:39 GMT

So today was the first day of school. I had the greatest summer of all time and now everything is bouncing back to hell. & I'm so annoyed right now that I'm just going to right down everything I feel & Idc who reads it. If I didn't have Jessica today I don't know wtf I would do, because at this very second, I feel she is all I have. First of all, Idk wtf is up between me & Amanda but I wish everything could just be back to normal, because I REALLY miss her, and as of a couple weeks ago, Anastasia too who just fell off the damn earth outta nowhere. Neither of them really said anything to me today, and it just ruined the entire day. & All this shit with yearbook. Idk, I guess since I wasn't there today that now I feel I'm totally out of everything and just completely erased from the whole thing. I was really looking forward to it too. I guess I'll do what I can to be on it, but it's clear I'm not really needed, or wanted. I really fucking miss Andrew. Everytime he gets a girlfriend he's gone. Just like seriously vanishes. It's extremely upsetting. Lunch was realyl just the most annoying part of the whole day. Jessica has my lunch which is freaking awesome, but so does the rest of the school. First Kathleen was gunna sit with us, but then she found better people to hangout with so whatever. Then we were gunna hang out with Amanda & Anastasia but that just reassured their hate for me. So we sat with Sean, Ricky, & Dallon who only talk about drugs. Fun Fun. So I have third period with Trina, which is my favorite thing in the world because I miss her like crazy. All my other classes suckass kbye.

Thu, 07 Jul 2005 03:52:50 GMT

It's been awhile.

Well Jessica & Andrew are gone for a week. I've pretty much been bored out of my mind.
I love those two, pretty much more than anything, except my dog.
& definately more than Robby. Eh, enough said.

I joined the weight loss class again. My plan was to be hot before school starts, but that's not going to happen, seeings how I haven't been to the gym in a month & have been eating ONLY fast food since I started working. It's starting to take a toll on me, so I'm gunna start getting serious. That's right.

20lbs by Christmas!!!
Eh?

Forth of July was pretty cool I'd say. Robby and his friends went to South of the Border and bought a bunch of cool shit. However, they're all dumbasses and wasted half of them. Some kid got burns all over him from roman candles, and Vince brought a bunch of stupid girls who annoyed me to no end. He saved the best fireworks for his mom, they were SO pretty.

I wish I could say I have something interesting to say, but I don't.
All I ever do anymore is work. But it's fun cause everybodys pretty cool.